#NOTsoRandom Explanation: The last post I wrote in July was about the apparent unequal administration of justice. Although I published the page, I swiftly removed the content because recently a few of my friends have been villainized and/or ostracized for publicly sharing their opinions about controversial issues (e.g. gender expression, the Black Lives Matter movement, rape culture, etc.). I'm less concerned with what my friends said (even I don't agree with some of their positions). What gave me pause was the manner in and extent to which people expressed their disapproval. The taste left in my mouth was so bitter that I even considered walking away from this blog. BUT, after taking the month of August "off" to think it over, I'm back because I want to discuss how to communicate across barriers:
1. Accept that Conflict Is Inevitable
As an attorney, I interact every day with people who, for several (and often valid reasons), cannot agree on how a matter should be handled. It's alright to have different perspectives. Robert Evans said:
Aside from the fact that perjury is a punishable offense because people can (and do) lie, I agree with his quote. Even when people are honoring their individual view, multiple interpretations of a single fact are possible.
2. Acknowledge the limitations of popular communication methods
From my vantage point, many of the personal and professional conflicts I've witnessed of late are due to an unwillingness to effectively communicate. Although the quantity of means to communicate has increased, I declare, in many ways, the quality of communication has decreased. As the traditional art of conversation passes away, instead of talking to, we primarily talk at or about people (often through 60-second soundbites, 140-160 character tweets/status update/texts, and fabulously filtered 1080 square pixel posts on Instagram).
There is so much that is lost/unsaid because it cannot be captured in those fixated parameters.
3. Before you entrench yourself in your position and assassinate someone else's character, first seek to understand their point of view.
While growing up, my paternal grandmother impressed upon me that our facial features are a metaphor for life. She often said we have two eyes, two ears, and one mouth for a reason: we should seek to observe and listen twice as much (and before) we speak.
I'm not calling on anyone to abandon their morals or convictions. I'm not saying people should refrain from stating their opinions. Some conflict is necessary to facilitate necessary change and growth. I daresay not every conflict can be completely resolved. However, I encourage you to communicate in a way that builds bridges (instead of destroys them).
Here's the truth I want to send up this truth on Tuesday, September 1, 2015: Aretha Franklin was onto something when she sang about R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Although not a silver bullet, a little bit of MUTUAL RESPECT can go a LONG way in improving interpersonal communication and resolving conflict.
BOTTOM LINE: At the very least, I implore people to respect different views (even when they disagree). To the extent possible, I encourage you to first seek to disagree agreeably.
#CallToAction Communicate compassionately this week :-D
