How to Build a Bridge

#NOTsoRandom Fact about Me: Although I can situationally adapt to the unique needs of the parties, my natural mediation style is transformative. Where appropriate, and to the extent possible, I seek to empower disputants and create an environment where each of the parties can recognize the other parties' needs, interests, values and points of view.


In order for any kind of conflict resolution to occur, people must choose to productively address the conflict. On Sunday, September 6, 2015, Pastor Howard-John Wesley of Alfred Street Baptist Church described three (3) ways people respond when faced with conflict:

	1. "Hiders"-	2. "Hurters"	3. "Healers"
Motivation→	Want to retreat from conflict	Want revenge (more specifically, the desire for those involved to hurt like they hurt)	Want reconciliation
Likely Results→	Passive aggressive behavior	The person who was hurt hurting the person who hurt them	Healing and restoration

While reflecting on my own tendencies and what I've observed of conflicts involving my family, friends, colleagues and clients, I concluded two (2) of the many reasons people choose to hide and/or stay in a hurt head-space and heart-space are because they are afraid and have yet to forgive (themselves and/or others):

On Fear:

Fear can arrest someone mentally and create unyielding obstructions on the path to reconciliation. If a conflict has someone filled with concern and/or regret because they believe someone (or something) is dangerous (or threatening or is likely to cause pain), where safe and appropriate, I encourage them to:

On Forgiveness:
When someone who has experienced conflict stops feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake, they unlock the possibility of reconciliation. While seeking to forgive others, don't forget to forgive yourself. No matter who you are forgiving, it does not always happen automatically. Oftentimes, forgiveness is a process. And it is beneficial on many levels:

CAVEAT: To be fair, total reconciliation is not always possible. Parties are not always wiling. Unfortunately, certain acts cannot be undone. However, making peace with a situation is ALWAYS possible.

The truth I want to send up on Tuesday, September 8, 2015 is being paralyzed by fear as well as failing to forgive yourself (and others) complicates the process of resolving conflict. 

#CallToAction: Actively engage in the process of reducing fear and increasing forgiveness this week.

Q: WHY?
A: