Say Her Name

...

Ode to Papa

#NOTsoRandom fact about me: My ears, head and heart are in lOvE, love, LOVE with The Read (http://thisistheread.com).

On the May 27th episode, Angelica Sweeting was featured in the Black Excellence moment:

#CallToAction: Check out The Angelica Doll: A natural hair doll for young girls by Angelica Sweeting on via Kickstarter (http://kck.st/1EZFfXa). 
The fundraising campaign ends TOMORROW 06.17.15...PLEASE SUPPORT!!!

Since I grew up in a household where my parents, who, for the majority of my childhood out of awareness of Kenneth and Mamie Clark's "doll tests" from the Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas case, would NOT buy me white dolls (or EVEN allow white dolls to be purchased as gifts) for me to play with, I have a UNIQUE appreciation for Angelica Sweeting's desire for her daughter to embrace her natural beauty. And on some Tuesday, in the near or distant future, I will probably wax poetic about how: (1) my natural hair "adventures" are a pretty accurate a metaphor for my life; and/or (2) having natural hair that I wear both curly and straight is the visual equivalent to linguistic code switching. BUT, on THIS Tuesday before Father's Day, I want to lift up my Papa, Stanford Nelson, the King of "Nelson Manor", who, nearly every day and in numerous ways taught me that my black was beautiful:

(1) Papa, I love you!!! <3 ❤️

(2) Thank you for affirming my self-worth

My father was VERY INTENTIONAL about making sure that I understood and appreciated my history as a Black person in America and that I loved everything about about my appearance. My skin tone, nose shape, lip size, and hair texture were individually celebrated as wonderful components of a divinely-created whole. Self-deprecating remarks about my physical features were NOT allowed under my parents' roof. In fact, there wasn't much room for self-hatred because there was an exceeding abundance of self-love. Not the superficial "love" that comes from worshiping the temporary beauty of external features; my father especially impressed upon me that true beauty radiates from the inside out (BUT, that's DEF another blog for another Tuesday *winks*).

BEFORE I was even old enough to know that I should probably refrain from putting Barbie's shoes in my mouth, my father purchased my first black Barbie doll. Even as I write this blog post on my comfy red couch I can *faintly* hear the Barbie-haters grumble and sigh. Before y'all get riled up, take SEVERAL SEATS and sit ALL the way down!!! Back in 1988, my Papa was less concerned about me developing unhealthy and unrealistic body image goals. Papa wanted my Barbie doll collection to reflect my potential for professional accomplishment more than physical beauty generally. By the time I graduated from high school, I just over 100 black Barbie dolls still in their boxes (of Barbie as a fashionista, princess, bride, gymnast, pilot, teacher, doctor and even President).

(3) Papa, I  am *ETERNALLY* grateful for your love, support (and even those painful corrections--the rod was NOT spared in our house).

Remember that commercial where the Black dad is helping his daughter prepare for the cheerleading tryouts?!?!?!

Much to the chagrin of my mother, Karen Nelson (who made her high school cheerleader squad after her first tryout as a "sub-freshman" -- yes, that's 8th grade!), I had NO INTEREST in cheerleading (WELP/WHOMP...LOLOL)!!! So, my Papa NEVER had to shake a Pom Pom. BUT, he certainly supported my actual interests in every way that he knew how: including, but not limited to, working countless hours of overtime to pay for swim instruction and classical piano lessons; regularly taking me to The Reader's Choice bookstore; driving twelve hours to Saint Louis, MO for me to participate in a national public speaking competition; AND dressing up as Aladdin, complete with turban, because I wanted to be Princess Jasmine at my 8th birthday party:

Your selfless sacrifices enabled me to grow and mature into the future Black Queen I am.

So, let me send up this truth on this Tuesday, June 16, 2015:

Fathers (and father figures) have an incredible impact on the self-esteem and self-image of their children.

To my Papa: I would not be who I am without you. Thank you for being my Father.

###

[RELATED SIDE BAR: Germane to the topic of embracing your natural beauty (& loving the skin you're in), by now, I’m sure by now you’ve heard the scuttlebutt regarding Rachel Dolezal who I read about in the Washington Post last week. *sighs*

MY REACTION: Initially, I was torn. The larger part of me that is weary of non-Black people trying to steal/claim the “Black experience” was EXTREMELY OFFENDED. But, there was a small part of me that was surprised (and I daresay impressed) that someone would choose to renounce her white privilege and live her life as a black woman. Ultimately, although immitation is generally regarded as the sincerest form of flattery, it is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE for anyone to actively perpetuate lies regarding their heritage [I'm no psychologist, but, this lay(wo)man thinks Ms. Dolezal's actions are indicative of an enormous amount of self-hatred/disassociation that needs to be addressed with a mental health professional].

Yesterday, I learned Ms. Dolezal decided to resign from her position as President of the Spokane NAACP. Ms. Dolezal’s cultural appropriation/ethic fraud and racial identification issues aside, I think that it’s unfortunate that there is a cloud the work she’s done with and for the Spokane NAACP. However, my sympathy  is heavily rationed. Ms. Dolezal “demise” is due to her getting caught in the tangled web she disastrously wove with her own deceptive acts and practices. As a current member of the Whitfield County NAACP adult branch, former member of the NAACP National Board of Directors, and former President of the Howard University NAACP college chapter, I just want to let Ms. Dolezal know that I personally appreciate her efforts to work in support of the NAACP’s vision and mission.

BOTTOM LINE: As she fades back into deserved obscurity, I hope going forward that Ms. Dolezal chooses to live, work and serve in a way that honors the TRUTH of who she is. Since it appears she may not know how to do that, I pray she receives clarity (and acts accordingly).

FINAL ASSOCIATED MINI RANT: I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention how annoyed I was with the small-minded people who were angry that a white woman was president of a NAACP branch. (1) I bet that MOST of these people aren’t even members in good standing with the NAACP. If they were, they would know that there is NOTHING in the NAACP Constitution or By-Laws that mandates that a President of a Branch or Chapter must be of African descent. (2) Even if you are not a member, any civically engaged person SHOULD know that the NAACP was NOT founded exclusively by or for Black people [BRIEF HISTORY LESSON: the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People was founded on February 12, 1909 by a diverse group of White AND Black men AND women. Each day, the organization works to "...ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights of all persons and to eliminate race-based discrimination."] (3) To the Black and brown people trying to discredit Ms. Dolezal's community service and civic engagement record, I humbly suggest you take a personal inventory of what you’ve done LATELY to improve the lives of Black and brown people in your community BEFORE you start discrediting the work of someone who MIGHT actually be doing substantially AND substantively more than you are.

*Blows dust off of the lyrics of an oldie, but goodie, from Teddy Pendergrass that applies to everyone actively participating or passively observing this situation: 

“You can't hide from yourself. Everywhere you go, there you are.”*

 

(06.20.15 UPDATE: On the morning I posted this blog, Ms. Dolezal rode the coattails of her ethnic fraud-induced name-recognition to the Today Show where she told Matt Lauer that she “identif[ies] as Black.” *long sigh* Ms. Dolezal’s blatant disrespect for the Black culture she purports to associate herself with has reached a new low. Identifying as Black is NOT something a person can just decide one day. Especially, NOT after suing our alma mater for “reverse” racial discrimination. I wonder if Ms. Dolezal’s “struggles” trying to support and understand the Black cultural experience and heritage as a White woman prompted her to “infiltrate” the Black cultural experience and heritage and adopt it as her own. Whatever demented/convoluted thought process brought her to this place in her life, I bears repeating again that Ms. Dolezal’s actions are contrary to the Black cultural experience and heritage with which she claims to identify. If she understood and appreciated the plight of Blacks in America, she would NOT engage in cultural appropriation as she has. She just would not.)

 

Be Salty

#NOTsoRandom Historical FACT: in ancient times, farmlands were covered with salt to prevent crops from growing.

We must NEVER forget the names of the four (4) Black girls pictured below who were killed on September 15, 1963 when a dynamite bomb placed by members of the Ku Klux Klan exploded at the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham, Alabama:

Similarly, we must NEVER forget the names of the nine (9) Black adults pictured below who were shot to death nearly 52 years later on June 17, 2015 at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, SC in a racially motivated hate crime:

*sends up a prayer for the families of 

Ethel Lee Lance; Tywanza Sanders; Cynthia Hurd; Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor; 

Rev. Clementa Pinckney, a South Carolina State Senator and ardent proponent of civil rights who attended a budget hearing at the state capitol in Columbia then drove to Charleston for bible study that Wednesday night;
 Susie Jackson; My Delta Soror, Myra Thompson; Rev. Daniel L. Simmons Sr.; 

and Rev. Sharonda Singleton as well as our nation*

Anger. Sadness. Frustration...Although Charleston, SC is my parents' hometown, and many of my family members who still reside there were personally affected by the mass murder that occurred last Wednesday, the overwhelming waves of negative emotions that I've felt since hearing of the tragedy at Mother Emanuel ALMOST kept me from writing about it. BUT, standing in faith on Psalm 4, Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley inspired me to use my anger (sadness and frustration) for my advocacy (and related community education efforts). In turn, I encourage those reading this blog to use the emotions they are feeling to support the "policy wonks" advocating for gun reform, "intellectuals" advocating for improved race relations, and/or to advocate for another (helpful) related cause of their choosing. 

The prayer of Roslyn Brock, Chairwoman of the NAACP National Board of Directors, reinforced the sermon. Advocacy born of tragedy can create unity where there division would otherwise exist:

(This image was taken on Sunday (06.21.15) as over 20,000 people joined hands (and hearts) to create a Bridge to Peace unity chain on the Arthur Ravenel Jr. Bridge over the Cooper River in Charleston, SC)

#CallToAction (1): sign the petition to be delivered to The South Carolina State House, The South Carolina State Senate, and Governor Nikki Haley calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from all government places: http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/remove-the-confederate-3?source=s.em.cp&r_by=13455362

Q: In case you are wondering WHY SHOULD YOU SUPPORT THE REMOVAL OF THE CONFEDERATE FLAG FROM GOVERNMENT PLACES?

A1: It is truly a symbol of racism, hatred and divisiveness: 
The Confederate Flag wasn't always raised at the South Carolina Capitol. This was an intentional move during the 1960s in defiance of the Civil Rights movement. In fact, the Confederate flag has particular significance for Charleston:

It was in Charleston, South Carolina that the fiery secessionist Edmund Ruffin fired the first shot of the war. And on June 17, 1865—exactly 150 years before the [horrific shooting at Emanuel AME Church]—[when] Ruffin learned of the South’s surrender, [he] reportedly wrapped himself in a Confederate flag, and then took his own life rather than accept defeat. Those, like Roof, who now want a secessionist banner of their own can order one from the Ruffin Flag Company. (Read more of the article this passage is quoted from here:
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/06/why-is-the-flag-still-there/396431/)

A2: In a pleasantly surprising turn of events, there is ACTUALLY bipartisan support:
Yesterday (06.22.15), the current Governor of South Carolina came on the same side as Mitt Romney and called for the Confederate flag to be taken down from in front of the state Capitol. O_o (Click here to read more on this).

A3: It will send a message to other states where use of the Confederate flag on government-issued licenses is permitted: 
While researching for this blog post, I learned that

[n]ine (9) states currently permit the use of the Confederate flag on their license. Eight of those states, Mississippi, Alabama, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Louisiana, Virginia and Tennessee, seceded from the Union and were part of the Confederate States of America during the Civil War. The one state allowing the flag that was not part of the Confederacy is Maryland. (Read more of the article this passage is quoted from here: http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/opinion/oped/bs-ed-confederate-plates-20150622-story.html)

#CallToAction (2): if you live in any of these states, as I do, advocacy campaigns should be (re)organized to remove the Confederate flag from these government-issued license plates as well. 
 

Removing this divisive symbol of racism will not avenge the deaths of the nine (9) innocent individuals who lost their lives at Emmanuel AME Church last Wednesday. But, it will be a step in the right direction toward the collective healing of a community, city, state and nation faced with fresh wounds and sensitive scars caused by systemic racial oppression and inequality. 

For those of us still processing last week's tragic events, instead of returning the poisonous crop fertilized by Dylan Roof's racist hate with a counterproductive retaliatory hatred of your own, choose to salt the earth with love. I'm inspired by the grieving family members who, while enduring unimaginable pain caused by the loss of their loved ones, chose to neutralize Roof's hatred with their own forgiveness (a byproduct of love). If they can forgive, who are we not to?

[07.10.15 UPDATE: In response to the united efforts of many, the South Carolina legislature voted to remove the Confederate battle flag from the Capitol's grounds. Govenor Haley honored her earlier promise and signed the bill into law. Here is a link to a story and video of the Confederate battle flag's removal from the SC State Capitol: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/10/confederate-flag-removal_n_7769300.html]

Maya Angelou spoke the truth I want to send up on this Tuesday, June 23, 2015:

[RELATED SIDEBAR: For those of you who have chosen not to acknowledge the horrific murders that occurred in Charleston, SC, I implore you to move beyond the solace you may find in your own silence and/or perceptual blindness. While you still have the physical ability to open your eyes as well as your mouth, it behooves you to speak out against the visible atrocities committed against humanity! Nearly 100 years ago, Pastor Martin Niemöller summarized what happens when you delay speaking out (as an ally):

#LessonLearned Don't wait until there is no one to speak for you. Speak against injustice affecting others N-O-W!!!]

*sprinkles my love, truth and advocacy salt on the earth where evil tread to neutralize/prevent/kill the hatred evil has sown*

Perspective Counts

NOTsoRandom Fact about me: I don't believe in luck or coincidences.

A week from today, several of my friends and mentees will be sitting for the July 2015 administration of their respective state bar exams. This time last year, I was in an nervous haze: I was hyped up on caffeine and listened to Kaplan lectures while I slept (hoping my subconscious would absorb what I consciously could not)

I don't claim ANY credit for last July's exam outcome. *praise break* Thankfully, the blood still works and it lead to me attending a reception for new admittees to the Maryland Bar hosted by the J. Franklyn Bourne Bar Association, Inc. (http://bournebar.org) this past weekend.  While the food was good and the fellowship was great, there were three life lessons imparted by nearly every speaker/experienced attorney and judge:

1. Guard Your Reputation

Young professionals are unknown commodities. We MUST work to ensure that our work product and personality are assets and not liabilities. 

2. Build Relationships

While you are making sure your name is not trash on the streets, young professionals MUST go beyond basic networking and develop relationships with peers as well as more experienced professionals.  It's not enough to collect business cards or connections on LinkedIn. Young professionals should seek mentorship and solicit critiques. It's not just who you know. It's who you know who likes you, trusts your work product, and is willing to connect you to (or actively support you in your pursuit of) professional development opportunities.

3. Keep an Open Mind

Now, that you have a good reputation and developed professional relationships, young professionals MUST be flexible. Everyone I spoke to had a serendipitous moment when they deviated from their original career plans. Perhaps, they realized their dream job was actually a nightmare. Or they wanted to increase their income.  Maybe, the job they took was the only one they could find. Whatever the reason, everyone could point to an experience or relationship during that deviation that is related to their current position and ultimately enhanced them professionally.

Some people were even able to view apparent failures favorably. While it is my hope that my friends and mentees pass their respective state bar exams, if that does not happen, I want to let them know it is not the end of the world. One of my attorney mentors disclosed to me that they did not pass the bar the first time. In fact, it was during their preparation for their second attempt that they met their future business partner (and now a close personal friend). This demonstrates that "failures", NOs, slammed closed doors, "wrong turns," etc. are merely possible segues to an eventual pass/success, yes, open window (or an even better open door), and/or a realization that you are actually on the right path. I truly believe you will find yourself if you lose yourself in a worthwhile purpose.

The truth I want to send up on this Tuesday, July 21, 2015 was inspired from the "unsolicited confessions" of one of my Facebook friends:

No individual is all good or all bad. I am the sum total of my experiences, relationships, and education. Whether good, bad, or ugly, I will endeavor to perceive each as a stepping stone to the next great place I am meant to be.  

*turns on my family's adopted theme song 

"Ain't No Stopping Us Now" by McFadden & Whitehead* 

 

 

[07.24.15. UPDATE: After work this evening, I attended the New Admittees reception hosted by the Alliance of Black Women Attorneys of Maryland, Inc. and the Monumental City Bar Association on Thursday. I was inspired and challenged to pursue justice after hearing the remarks and follow-up one-on-one conversations with the Honorable Shirley M. Watts, Judge, Court of Appeals, 6th Appellate Circuit (Baltimore City) and the Honorable Donna F. Edwards,  U.S. Representative for Maryland's 4th Congressional District:

 

 

 

My full reflection on the truth shared is coming next Tuesday, July 28, 2015!!!]

Butterfly in the Sky

NOTsoRandom fact about me: my mother says my first phrase as a toddler was a command: "read the book." ANNNNNNNNNNND I have been *madly* in love with the written word ever since. Can you tell? *wink* ;-P 

The following two books released today have been propelled to the TOP of my summer reading list:

On the top: Ta-Nehisi Coates’ Between the World and Me

On the bottom: Harper Lee's Go Set a Watchman

Pre-release chatter on both have me THOROUGHLY intrigued! From what I've heard/read, both books challenge "traditional" notions of race relations and father/child interactions/communications.  No longer on pins and needles, I happily discovered these titles were timely delivered to the Kindle app on my iPad this morning. Of course, time will tell if I remain pleased with my purchases AFTER I've completed my reading. I might review/reflect whatever truth I glean from between the periods and commas of each book on this blog.

Until then, let me send up this truth on Tuesday, July 14, 2015:

The revolution will NOT be on television or social media. Don't be in a rush to blindly accept what you have not learned for yourself firsthand. Reading is FUNdamental. So, pick up a book, challenge and expand your own thinking (as well as the thinking of your family and friends).

*In my best LeVar Burton voice "Of course, you don't have to take *my* word for it."*

[SIDE BAR: By the way, I'm VERY EXCITED about the possibility of Reading Rainbow being revived/revamped in order to inspire a new generation to love the vast literary world:

#CallToAction If you missed the kickstarter campaign, it's NOT too late, click on this link to support the current fundraising efforts (and receive updates): https://readingrainbow.backerkit.com/hosted_preorders ]

True Colors

#NOTsoRandom Fact about Siri: when you ask “what ZERO DIVIDED BY ZERO” is she'll respond: “[i]magine that you have ZERO cookies and you split them evenly among ZERO friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.”

My Fourth of July weekend was a 0 ÷ 0 kind of experience for me. Hopefully, Cookie Monster had some cookies with stars and stripes on them. Thankfully, I had some friends to fellowship with (and together we successfully cheered the U.S. National Women's soccer team to victory on Sunday :-D).  

What didn't make sense was how instead of feeling liberated, I felt bound. Pervasive social injustice tempered my celebratory spirit this past Fourth of July weekend. Ultimately, I was red, white and blue; just not in the way or for the reasons you might expect:

Part of me saw RED. A fellow Howard University alumni tweeted “Let's not let the red, white and blue make us forget the red blood of unarmed black men and women spilled at the hands of law enforcement....”  It just doesn't make sense that some individuals who have sworn to protect communities and maintain order have instead endangered communities and created disorder.

Under the immense weight and weariness of my consciousness, at times, it feels counter-intuitive to choose to fight (instead seeking refuge under a WHITE flag of surrender). Life is a challenging balance of seizing control and relinquishing it. Sometimes, the same event triggers both. For example, when I heard about the Charleston shooting, I felt out of control as my worship and cultural experience were  maliciously manipulated by a racist Confederate battle flag totting murderer. BUT, instead of allowing apathy to devolve into inaction, I turned my anger (sadness and frustration) into advocacy. 

[07.10.15 UPDATE: In response to the united efforts of many, the South Carolina legislature voted to remove the Confederate battle flag from the Capitol's grounds. Govenor Haley honored her earlier promise and signed the bill into law. Here is a link to a story and video of the Confederate battle flag's removal from the SC State Capitol: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/07/10/confederate-flag-removal_n_7769300.html]

My red and white thoughts left me feeling BLUE. I laid on my hammock disappointed and frustrated. I hoped to bask in warm rays of sunshine. Instead, the sun spent most of the day hidden behind dense gray clouds. 

Similarly, many individuals, organizations, agencies, and programs, hide behind their seemingly radical/reformist history/record, provocative mission/vision statements and lucrative fundraising activities. Ultimately, many of the actions of the people and entities allegedly committed to social justice work have lacked structure, cohesion, and purpose. Action is often delayed. When actions finally do occur, it often does NOT result in meaningful (positive) change. Programs have been either been poorly designed or funded (and oftentimes both). Figureheads have been silent when they should’ve spoken (and have spoken when they should've kept their mouths closed OR said something completely different). This just doesn't make sense.

*sighs*

James Baldwin spoke the truth I want to send up during the week of Tuesday, July 7, 2015:

My heart will remember what red, white and blue meant to me during the this year's Fourth of July weekend. #CallToAction Commit yourself to directly facing the social injustices you see. We have to power to change the status quo for the better (and to have our world make more sense).