Ode to Papa

#NOTsoRandom fact about me: My ears, head and heart are in lOvE, love, LOVE with The Read (http://thisistheread.com).

On the May 27th episode, Angelica Sweeting was featured in the Black Excellence moment:

#CallToAction: Check out The Angelica Doll: A natural hair doll for young girls by Angelica Sweeting on via Kickstarter (http://kck.st/1EZFfXa). 
The fundraising campaign ends TOMORROW 06.17.15...PLEASE SUPPORT!!!

Since I grew up in a household where my parents, who, for the majority of my childhood out of awareness of Kenneth and Mamie Clark's "doll tests" from the Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas case, would NOT buy me white dolls (or EVEN allow white dolls to be purchased as gifts) for me to play with, I have a UNIQUE appreciation for Angelica Sweeting's desire for her daughter to embrace her natural beauty. And on some Tuesday, in the near or distant future, I will probably wax poetic about how: (1) my natural hair "adventures" are a pretty accurate a metaphor for my life; and/or (2) having natural hair that I wear both curly and straight is the visual equivalent to linguistic code switching. BUT, on THIS Tuesday before Father's Day, I want to lift up my Papa, Stanford Nelson, the King of "Nelson Manor", who, nearly every day and in numerous ways taught me that my black was beautiful:

(1) Papa, I love you!!! <3 ❤️

(2) Thank you for affirming my self-worth

My father was VERY INTENTIONAL about making sure that I understood and appreciated my history as a Black person in America and that I loved everything about about my appearance. My skin tone, nose shape, lip size, and hair texture were individually celebrated as wonderful components of a divinely-created whole. Self-deprecating remarks about my physical features were NOT allowed under my parents' roof. In fact, there wasn't much room for self-hatred because there was an exceeding abundance of self-love. Not the superficial "love" that comes from worshiping the temporary beauty of external features; my father especially impressed upon me that true beauty radiates from the inside out (BUT, that's DEF another blog for another Tuesday *winks*).

BEFORE I was even old enough to know that I should probably refrain from putting Barbie's shoes in my mouth, my father purchased my first black Barbie doll. Even as I write this blog post on my comfy red couch I can *faintly* hear the Barbie-haters grumble and sigh. Before y'all get riled up, take SEVERAL SEATS and sit ALL the way down!!! Back in 1988, my Papa was less concerned about me developing unhealthy and unrealistic body image goals. Papa wanted my Barbie doll collection to reflect my potential for professional accomplishment more than physical beauty generally. By the time I graduated from high school, I just over 100 black Barbie dolls still in their boxes (of Barbie as a fashionista, princess, bride, gymnast, pilot, teacher, doctor and even President).

(3) Papa, I  am *ETERNALLY* grateful for your love, support (and even those painful corrections--the rod was NOT spared in our house).

Remember that commercial where the Black dad is helping his daughter prepare for the cheerleading tryouts?!?!?!

Much to the chagrin of my mother, Karen Nelson (who made her high school cheerleader squad after her first tryout as a "sub-freshman" -- yes, that's 8th grade!), I had NO INTEREST in cheerleading (WELP/WHOMP...LOLOL)!!! So, my Papa NEVER had to shake a Pom Pom. BUT, he certainly supported my actual interests in every way that he knew how: including, but not limited to, working countless hours of overtime to pay for swim instruction and classical piano lessons; regularly taking me to The Reader's Choice bookstore; driving twelve hours to Saint Louis, MO for me to participate in a national public speaking competition; AND dressing up as Aladdin, complete with turban, because I wanted to be Princess Jasmine at my 8th birthday party:

Your selfless sacrifices enabled me to grow and mature into the future Black Queen I am.

So, let me send up this truth on this Tuesday, June 16, 2015:

Fathers (and father figures) have an incredible impact on the self-esteem and self-image of their children.

To my Papa: I would not be who I am without you. Thank you for being my Father.

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[RELATED SIDE BAR: Germane to the topic of embracing your natural beauty (& loving the skin you're in), by now, I’m sure by now you’ve heard the scuttlebutt regarding Rachel Dolezal who I read about in the Washington Post last week. *sighs*

MY REACTION: Initially, I was torn. The larger part of me that is weary of non-Black people trying to steal/claim the “Black experience” was EXTREMELY OFFENDED. But, there was a small part of me that was surprised (and I daresay impressed) that someone would choose to renounce her white privilege and live her life as a black woman. Ultimately, although immitation is generally regarded as the sincerest form of flattery, it is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE for anyone to actively perpetuate lies regarding their heritage [I'm no psychologist, but, this lay(wo)man thinks Ms. Dolezal's actions are indicative of an enormous amount of self-hatred/disassociation that needs to be addressed with a mental health professional].

Yesterday, I learned Ms. Dolezal decided to resign from her position as President of the Spokane NAACP. Ms. Dolezal’s cultural appropriation/ethic fraud and racial identification issues aside, I think that it’s unfortunate that there is a cloud the work she’s done with and for the Spokane NAACP. However, my sympathy  is heavily rationed. Ms. Dolezal “demise” is due to her getting caught in the tangled web she disastrously wove with her own deceptive acts and practices. As a current member of the Whitfield County NAACP adult branch, former member of the NAACP National Board of Directors, and former President of the Howard University NAACP college chapter, I just want to let Ms. Dolezal know that I personally appreciate her efforts to work in support of the NAACP’s vision and mission.

BOTTOM LINE: As she fades back into deserved obscurity, I hope going forward that Ms. Dolezal chooses to live, work and serve in a way that honors the TRUTH of who she is. Since it appears she may not know how to do that, I pray she receives clarity (and acts accordingly).

FINAL ASSOCIATED MINI RANT: I would be remiss if I didn’t also mention how annoyed I was with the small-minded people who were angry that a white woman was president of a NAACP branch. (1) I bet that MOST of these people aren’t even members in good standing with the NAACP. If they were, they would know that there is NOTHING in the NAACP Constitution or By-Laws that mandates that a President of a Branch or Chapter must be of African descent. (2) Even if you are not a member, any civically engaged person SHOULD know that the NAACP was NOT founded exclusively by or for Black people [BRIEF HISTORY LESSON: the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People was founded on February 12, 1909 by a diverse group of White AND Black men AND women. Each day, the organization works to "...ensure the political, educational, social, and economic equality of rights of all persons and to eliminate race-based discrimination."] (3) To the Black and brown people trying to discredit Ms. Dolezal's community service and civic engagement record, I humbly suggest you take a personal inventory of what you’ve done LATELY to improve the lives of Black and brown people in your community BEFORE you start discrediting the work of someone who MIGHT actually be doing substantially AND substantively more than you are.

*Blows dust off of the lyrics of an oldie, but goodie, from Teddy Pendergrass that applies to everyone actively participating or passively observing this situation: 

“You can't hide from yourself. Everywhere you go, there you are.”*

 

(06.20.15 UPDATE: On the morning I posted this blog, Ms. Dolezal rode the coattails of her ethnic fraud-induced name-recognition to the Today Show where she told Matt Lauer that she “identif[ies] as Black.” *long sigh* Ms. Dolezal’s blatant disrespect for the Black culture she purports to associate herself with has reached a new low. Identifying as Black is NOT something a person can just decide one day. Especially, NOT after suing our alma mater for “reverse” racial discrimination. I wonder if Ms. Dolezal’s “struggles” trying to support and understand the Black cultural experience and heritage as a White woman prompted her to “infiltrate” the Black cultural experience and heritage and adopt it as her own. Whatever demented/convoluted thought process brought her to this place in her life, I bears repeating again that Ms. Dolezal’s actions are contrary to the Black cultural experience and heritage with which she claims to identify. If she understood and appreciated the plight of Blacks in America, she would NOT engage in cultural appropriation as she has. She just would not.)